March 20, 2008 - August 29, 2010
5 minutes (Average)
Number of episodes:
Matchmaking, a Halo 3 Machinima created by Darkspire Films and hosted on both YouTube and Machinima.com, is a popular series made up of various comedic recordings (usually about 30 seconds to two minutes) starring three players: John, Vincent, and Travis.
The episode mostly consists of John logging onto Halo 3 for the first time and meeting up with his longtime friend, Vincent, who invites him over to play some Matchmaking. The rest of the episode consists of Matchmaking's official Theme Song.
This episode, Vincent suggests that Sandtrap needs more sand, (To be accurate: Two Cubic Tons of Sand in one spot), which in return gets a quick retort from John on how ridiculous the idea is due to how large the quantity of sand on Sandtrap is already.
As John tries to convince Vincent how much two cubic tons of sand really is, a random brown Spartan throws down a flare and startles the two. (Out of irony, the brown Spartan was a real person and was not supposed to be in this episode.)
A white Spartan that Vincent was pursuing throws down a Bubble Shield, which Vincent oddly refrains from entering. The white Spartan proceeds to mock Vincent on how he can't get in and how it's so nice in here, only for the Bubble Shield to disperse a few seconds later. Vincent quickly kills the Spartan with a melee, as he stood speechless.
While exploring Isolation on a Custom Game, John encounters two Elites, a green one and a purple one, who are jumping higher than usual. When John queries this, the green Elite explains how in Halo 3, you could lower gravity so you could jump higher. John tries this and jumps to enormous heights like the other two Elites, but accidentally plunges into one of the walls. This episode was also the unofficial debut of Travis's voice actor, who portrays the voice of the green Elite.
On a Custom Game in Last Resort, John begins a series of impressive shooting and jumping scenes worthy of a dramatic machinima, but is interrupted by a green Spartan. John replies that he really was recording scenes for a machinima, which the green Spartan says is stupid since everyone does that.
Although this is the 5th episode, Jon from DSF mentioned in a commentary that this was the first recorded episode. His real voice is also featured.
While playing Matchmaking on Valhalla, John runs toward the Blue Base's Mancannon to find Vincent meleeing a Warthog into it. When John asks what he's doing while in the middle of a game, Vincent shows him the cheat he found on the internet by meleeing it into the Mancannon, where it begins to float in mid-air and splatter various members of the opposing team, who are completely defenseless against the invincible, floating Warthog.
John and Vincent share glances as the Warthog proceeds to eliminate any survivors.
In Darkspire Films's commentary, John and Vincent both mention this episode was done in Forge.
During a Matchmaking game on Sandtrap, John and Vincent find themselves pursued relentlessly by a white Spartan on a Mongoose driven by a red Elite. Finding it impossible to lose their pursuers on foot, Vincent suggests they take the Elephant in an attempt to outrun the Mongoose.
At first, due to John's visual of the Mongoose gaining on the Elephant, it seems as though John and Vincent would be apprehended by the two players, but miraculously the Elephant is able to lose the Mongoose, which earns startled expressions from the Mongoose duo.
After assassinating a purple Elite with an Energy Sword, John wonders what would happen if Bungie added more blood to the game, which led to thoughts of John encountering a tan Spartan who notifies him of downloadable content including more blood, which led to thoughts of John encounter a tan Spartan who had downloaded the content with more blood but not turning it on yet, which led to thoughts of various Spartans and Elites dying horrific, bloody deaths during a game on High Ground, which led to John concluding the game was fine as it was.
During a game of Oddball on Guardian, Vincent receives an invite from Travis, a previous WoW fan. John and Vincent join Travis's game only to find them on a Custom Game on Rat's Nest, where they find Travis walking into a wall. Travis mysteriously appears behind them while the two wonder why he's walking into a wall, and John and Vincent question why Travis left WoW, where Travis explained that he lacked the sufficient funds to play the game and was forced to downgrade to DSL, which caused the two Spartan to exclaim in surprise at the Elite's ping, which was "fucking Red".
Soon after, Travis loads a Matchmaking game on Standoff and puts his horrendously low ping to good use, using lagging techniques to quickly approach the other team and kill them with an Energy Sword before they could react. As Travis approaches a white Spartan who begs for his life, Travis says, "It is time for you to sleep, my friend." and lags up to the Spartan, only to be killed by a quick melee from the Spartan, proving Vincent's point: Travis is useless.
Vincent is playing a game of Slayer on High Ground, and is coming under fire. He kills one of his attackers, but the other two get through the gates before he can gun them down with the turret he is using. He rips it off and prepares to kill them, but a blue Spartan immediately walks up to him and exclaims, "WHAT THE FUCK!?" at him for ripping it off as if he is the one who owns it, and complains that it took a long time to get balanced and it was expensive.
Vincent begs for forgivness while the angry spartan tells him to just put the gun down. Another group of players immediately join in hating Vincent, and, humiliated, Vincent walks off. As he does so, one Spartan curses at him.
While walking around on snowbound, Vincent sees John staring into the distance. John reveals that he has always wanted "to explore the world". When Vincent reminds John of the turrets surrounding the area. John says he attempted to get out of the map once but was stopped when the a turret turned around and yelled at him (with a English accent).
John devises a plan to escape by making a distraction by making a local idiot run out there and get a secret weapon that Bungie hid in the game on the map. The idiot (correctly) disbelieves him. But when John throws a grenade out to the weapon was, he eagerly runs after it. Giving a chance to escape, the two however instead run into a barrier treated as if "It was supposed to be ignored, unnoticed, or not taken into consideration!", AKA invisible. After the turret kills the idiot that ran out, it turns, shouted "Oi!" and presumably shot and killed John and Vincent.
John and a few other players are trying to cross a map but are pinned down by a sniper. A player called The Bulldozer attempts to explain a strategy. Travis however claims he will be able to kill the sniper by lagging to a Barrel blade longrifle (a sniper rifle). John agrees that it is a good idea and Travis vanishes, but does not reappear.
The Bulldozer offers to check if the coast is clear; when he does, John thinks he sees Bulldozer get shot but then quickly reappears, which he claims did not happen. After agreeing to simply storm the sniper, John gets set on fire by another player with an incineration grenade, a similar ending to the episode More Sand.
While an EVA player is on The Pit, he gets a no scope on a guy coming around the corner. When a Hayabusa player asks what happened, the entire game stops when the other players hear of the scopeless kill. One player asks what’s going and the Hayabusa player along with every one else break into song and dance.
Note: lyrics are song by Hayabusa player unless otherwise specified. One / means a short breath, // means a longer one, usually the beginning of a new verse
He got a no scope/he didn’t scope his gun// (Background singer): no no, no scope was involved/
He got a no scope and now he’s killed someone// (Different singer, black Mark VI Spartan): They're dead, he shot him in the head//
He got a no scope/what a wondrous feat/ (Background singers): Kiiilll (Said like "Keel") What a marvelous kill/I concede//
What do you get when you get real stressed/pull the trigger and hope for the best/Call them a noob and hump their chest/I think you just got a no scope//
(Different Spartan, tan and grey): And where did your daddy go/He abandoned you when you were only seven years old// Background singer (Purple Elite): Seven years old//
(Still tan/grey Spartan)And living on the streets is cold/you beg for food and money/You beg for food and love/You beg for food and care again//
(Long pause. Eveyone in the map looks at tan/grey Spartan as if in shock. The Hayabusa Spartan begins again).
No no no no no no no no no no/Scope scope scope scope scope scope scope scope scope scope/ No no no no no no no no no no (John and Vincent arrive at this point. Vincent asks "What the hell is this?") Scope scope scope scope scope scope scope scope scope scope// He got a no, no, no scope//
After the song ends,another player shows up beside John and Vincent and states he "just got a no scope too". The episode ends just as the Hayabusa player begins to sing once again ("He got a-").
This episode has gotten a bit of a cult following, having the most views out of all of Matchmaking's and Darkspire Films's other works. It is commonly referenced in several other Machinimas, even in big name ones like Phil, and is commonly the episode used for satires of Matchmaking.
On Valhalla, John and Vincent get into a heated argument about John's voice resembling Rock Lee from Naruto (Darkspire Films noted this from the comments on YouTube.), but then stopped when they saw Travis staring into the distance. They approach Travis, which then swings his Energy Sword in surprise, startling the two players. John and Vincent ask where Travis had been since he hadn't been on for a while, where he replies that, as he lagged to the Barrel Blade Longrifle, he instead was warped to the domain of the Guardians.
The Sword Guardian, the unofficial leader of the Guardians introduces the guardians (Fuel Rod Guardian, Sniper Guardian, himself, and Pistol Guardian, in order.) and also comments on the Rod Guardian (and how he does stuff "with his Rod"). The Sword Guardian brings up the previous game seen in Episode 12, where they all see that it was actually the Bulldozer that had modded, instead of Travis. Travis demands that he be set free, but the Sword Guardian orders that Travis be banned for wasting their time with his presence, which Travis replies that they were the ones that summoned him in the first place.
As Travis is about to be banned, one of the Guardians suggests that Travis could hunt down the Bulldozer and bring him to justice. Travis protests that he doesn't even know the Bulldozer and that he was just paired up with him in Matchmaking, but is unfortunately sent out of the realm before he can prove his point.
Returning back to Valhalla, Travis finished his tale of the Guardians, only to see John and Vincent attempting to get out of Valhalla, obliviously ignoring Travis's entire story. Vincent says that what he and John are doing are much more important than settling an account with the Guardians, but Travis begins to cry and plead with the two, saying that he cannot be banned because he "has no life." John finally decides to help their friend only so he can shut up.
Travis opens up the list of Recent Players and finds the Bulldozer on an open Forge game, but before they can depart, an unknown Spartan is seen watching in the distance. Travis notices the Spartan and exclaims, causing the Spartan to flee. Travis decides that he thought he saw nothing and brings all of his friends to the open Forge game in High Ground.
When they arrive, they see various random Spartans standing obliviously in the distance, no weapons in hand. Travis notes that they might be some sort of puppets controlled by a necromancer, but John melees one and the Spartan exclaims, disproving Travis's point. The Bulldozer then appears, followed by the crack of thunder (which the Bulldozer noted as odd). The Bulldozer uses his modding skills to slowly descend toward the three players, noting that he knew why Travis had followed him into his game and that he was not going to come willingly. Travis replies that he was hoping for a fight "you Blue Skinned Fiend." and engages the modder in battle.
The two are matched in combat, with Travis's horrible lag matching up to the Bulldozer's modding skills. After a brief, but intense energy sword fight, the battle reaches a standstill. Travis hears a sound behind him and turns in surprise; only to see the same Spartan that John had meleed earlier (this time holding a Battle Rifle), walking in the clearing. Travis turns again just to see the Bulldozer knock him into the ground. John exclaims that Travis is screwed and that they should flee, but then realizes something about the game and seemingly vanishes into thin air.
Travis and the Bulldozer confront each other once again, the Bulldozer noting the similarities between the two. He said that they were both kind but willing to do anything to stay an active member of XBL, and that he was not going to be banned. Travis reminds the Bulldozer, however, that he forgot one important thing about the game. The Bulldozer asks what, and Travis replies, "This is a Forge game!" John then appears in Monitor (editor) form, dropping a crate on the Bulldozer and knocking him unconscious. While the three rejoice at the defeat of the modder, John then asks what they do now, which leaves the three in an awkward silence.
The end of Season One, and the longest episode of the respective season. It first starts off on Avalanche, where a yellow Spartan shows up and wanders into an abandoned structure, calling out to see if anyone was around. Seeing how it was completely deserted, the Spartan is almost immediately confronted afterward by a voice talking about "his destiny.” although it turned out to merely be a commercial for a fragrant for women on the radio. Once he turned off the radio, the Spartan turned and saw someone approaching him off-screen, with only footsteps audible.
Returning back to the heroes of the story, Vincent and Travis try to devise a way to transport the Bulldozer's body to the Guardians. John reminds them that it was still a video game, and that the Bulldozer had respawned five minutes ago(oddly enough having done nothing since). Travis replies that that is irrelevant at the time and they had to focus their efforts on transporting the Bulldozer to the guardians. Right as John begins to leave to build a ramp to assist his friends, the three are confronted by the Guardians' servant and the Spartan that had spied on them earlier in Valhalla, xxPwnage223.
He tells them that he has looked over their progress since they departed, and since they have completed their quest, he would use the dominion he had over the game and transport the party to the Guardians. Before he leaves, a problem arrives with his NAT settings, which, after the three offered similarly useless solutions to the problem, xxPwnage223 reset his console and returned to the game, successfully transporting the four to the Guardians on his second try.
The three traversed the Realm of Ban Walkway (A running gag for the Guardians, as they reside in the Realm of Ban and all of the regions had the Realm of Ban in their name, most notably the Realm of Ban Walkway and the Realm of Ban Banner.) and arrived at the circle of the Guardians, where the three witness three players (Which, even after this was disproven by Darkspire Film's themselves, is still speculated to be Mike, Rachel, and Captain Melander from The Guard's hit Machinima PreGame Lobby.) being banned for copyright infringement in their machinima.
The Sword Guardian summons the three, commenting that they had fulfilled his task admirably and that the modder was safely imprisoned behind the Realm of Ban Barrier. As the three turn to leave, however, the Sword Guardian reminds Travis that their agreement had not relived him of his punishment. While Travis protests that this is unfair, John and Vincent try to dissuade the guardians that they were forced to come along with Travis, only to learn unfortunately that attempting to leave the boundaries that Bungie had set in the maps (leaving the maps) was an offense punishable by banning (or by death, as the Sword Guardian previous stated before being corrected.).
The Sword Guardian then summons the Banhammer once again (and criticizes the angelic chorus that comes with it) and suggests that they start with the Bulldozer, only for the Bulldozer to escape the Realm of Ban Barrier and use his modding skills to create an explosion. In the midst of the turmoil, the Sword Guardian demands that the Bulldozer, along with John, Vincent and Travis be banned immediately, while John screams for help. The dramatic conflict abruptly ends as the Bulldozer flees from the scene, yelling "So long, ya fucking retards!” Without the Bulldozer to aid them, John, Vincent, and Travis were quickly struck by the Banhammer and plummeted into the depths of the Realm of Ban, presumably banned.
The episode concludes with a doctor, later revealed to be Doctor Gunthor, looking over a patient, later revealed to be Vincent, saying that it would be alright.
The first episode in Season 2 opens to two Spartans on Choppers, one pursuing the other and firing rapidly. The two wind in and out of Sandtrap's structures and its sand dunes until the first, a Gray Spartan with an ODST helmet, dismounts from his Chopper, boards the second one, a Green Spartan in normal Mark VI armor, and knocks him off of his Chopper, speeding off. The Green Spartan watches him wander off when he's suddenly assassinated from behind by the Gray Spartan. Saying that it was for Rebecca, the Spartan walks off-camera, going to smear bananas on his nipples, though the screen is immediately cut off by a message saying "Shutting Down...".
The camera cuts to four Spartans, a Green Hayabusa Spartan, a Red CQB Spartan, and an Orange and Purple Mark VI Spartans, who were gathering around a computer to watch the Machinima before it was abruptly cut off. The CQB Spartan says that someone had to go restart the generator. Grudgingly, the Green Spartan goes off to restart the generator. The Green Spartan arrives at the geneartor and begins tinkering with it when another creature begins spying on him with a variant of Heat Vision. The Green Spartan, aware of the beast, turns to see him but, being met with silence, decides it was nothing and returns to the generator. He turns it back on, apparently oblivious to what he had done to fix the generator, and goes to tell his friends that it was fixed.
He returns to find a gruesome scene of his friends dead on the floor, killed without an evident sign of combat. The Green Spartan turns and sees the beast, which is actually the floating Warthog from Episode 6, floating in front of him. The Warthog splatters the Spartan soon afterward and the Matchmaking theme plays.
After the theme, the episode begins in Blackout, where Vincent wakes up to the same voice heard in Episode 16. He sees the same Spartan, a blue one with an ODST helmet, along with a White Mark VI Spartan and a White Assault Harness Elite. Vincent asks where he is, and the doctor, revealed as Dr. Patrick Gunthor, explains that he was in the medical ward of Black Haven. He explains how the doctors had been monitoring his status for weeks and, seeing how he was alive and well, Gunthor was out twenty bucks.
Vincent asks how he had gotten to Black Haven and Gunthor explains to him soberly that, for reasons unknown, he had been banned from Halo 3. Vincent remains speechless as Gunthor explains how any active member of the Halo community, such as himself and his companions, that was banned ends up in the Realm of the Banned. Gunthor explains how it shouldn't have happened to him or his companions nor himself and that it was the Guardians' faults, then begins damming them. The White Spartan joins with him before jumping off a ledge. Gunthor explains how Vincent shouldn't be worried, since everyone in Black Haven was like family to him now.
Vincent, concerned for his friends, asks about their fates, though Gunthor seems relunctant to give them. Vincent begins to ask if his friends were dead, though Gunthor explains how they were in the Processing Ward and that he didn't know enough of the area to tell him where to find them, though he fetches Arthur, a Green Mark VI Spartan, to show Vincent to his friends and to be gentle. While escorting him to the Processing Ward, Arthur asks Vincent if this was his first time in Black Haven. After hearing his reply, he says that everyone in Black Haven are really friendly and that he should have no problem fitting in. He also mentioned that there was a load of Banbees, the recently banned, coming in this morning. He asks who Vincent's friends were, then, remembering John and Travis, identifies them and takes Vincent to them, mentioning that the Elite spoke in a funny manner. Before entering the Processing Ward, Arther warns Vincent that there were many 'diseases' inside. Cautious, Vincent enters.
Inside, John yells toward Vincent and ushers him toward Travis's group, which consisted of him and two Blue-Yellow CQB Spartans. After Travis laughs at one of his jokes, he greets Vincent in an odd voice unlike his own. Vincent inquires John about it, but John says not to ask any questions about it. This is because, for some odd reason, Travis Sein, the voice actor of Travis and Effects Director of Darkspire Films, had left DarkspireFilms. Vincent also asks why his gun, as well as everyone elses were up, but John asks him not to be selfish. This is because this scene and a few others were filmed exclusively in Xbox Live to create the illusion of several people in the Processing Ward.
Soon after, the Coordinator of the Processing Ward, Mr. Abigail, a Gray Mark VI Spartan, arrives. After dismissing harsh comments from the people of the Procesing Ward, he begins to explain the situation. He first confirms that everyone in the room at the moment had actually been banned for some reason by the Guardians ("Damn them.") to the Realm of the Ban. He says how they were in the map of Black Haven but, if they chose to do so, they could go to the front kiosk and download other maps. He then says that, while the Guardians ("Damn them.") didn't preside over the realm, there were other guidelines to follow. The guidelines were that there was to be no offensive language (Which is redundant, since they say "Damn them." after mentioning the title of the Guardians.) and minimal killing. There was also another important guideline to follow, but Mr. Abigail is interrupted by an alarm sounding around Black Haven. Mr. Abigail stops, unable to believe that the Horn of Nanu was sounded.
Arther quickly runs into the Processing Ward, notifying them of White Haven's arrival before he is slaughtered by a White Mark VI Spartan with an Energy Sword. More White Spartans come into the Processing Ward and slaughter the residents, including Mr. Abigail, all the while shouting racist comments. After Travis disposes of one close to him, he herds John and Travis into the air chute. On top, the three watch in horror as several of Black Haven residents are killed by White Haven soldiers. One drops down to the three and tells them that White Haven was going to kick their asses, though, before either of them could react, a sniper bolt disposes of him. Gunthor, brandishing a Sniper Rifle, points out a hole next to him, and the four quickly escape through the hatch.
In the room, Gunthor explains that they were under attack by White Haven, a rivaling faction which was at war with Black Haven for a while, and explains they are racists. Gunthor then begins opening a portal that, according to him, would transport them across the Ice Ravine (believed by most to be either the maps Narrows or Avalance), where they would then travel to the Town of Ghost (the map Ghosttown). When the portal is opened, he turns and tells Vincent that there was a reason why he was brought to Black Haven, though, after saying that there was a White Haven soldier behind him, is assassinated. The assassin is killed by John, though Gunthor is fatally wounded.
Gunthor, with his dying breath, tells Vincent to download the map from his File Share, travel across the Ice Ravine, and to seek out Excess202, though dies before he could reveal the player's intentions. Vincent greives the Spartan's death, and the episode ends.
John and Vincent enter the portal, arriving at an Isolation-esque map. John, not seeing Travis, begins panicking. Vincent understands his concern, though notifies John that he shouldn't be panicking. John tells him that he wasn't panicking, but was merely just expressing that they were very screwed. He turns and sees three Mark VI Spartans, one Orange one and two Green ones.
The Orange one identifies the two as thieves in a heavy Spanish accent, accusing them of attempting to steal from the King. Vincent says that there was a misunderstanding, though the Orange Spartan demands an explanation for why they were on the King's property. Vincent explains that they had entered the King's game through a teleporter, but the Orange Spartan accuses them of lying since the teleporter had lacked a Receiver Node. He then shoots a pink dart at Vincent, daring him to speak again. Vincent attempts to explain, but is shot again with another dart. Vincent attempts to explain again, but is shot (again) and the Orange Spartan, losing his patience, demands that Carlos lead them to the King to decide their fate. The rightmost Green Spartan comes up to the two and leads them to the King.
The King's Hill, which was guarded by several turrets and heralded by golden flags, held the King. The Orange Spartan presents himself to the king, notifying the king of John and Vincent and how they had attempted to steal from him. The King, surrounded by several modded Infection Forms, turns. The King asks why they were contaminating his hill, and John tells how they had come from Black Haven through the teleport. The Orange Spartan is not convinced, raising his weapon and waiting for the word to kill the two, but the King is convinced and tells his troops that they mean no harm. He then calls for one of his servants, Nipple, to retrieve some horchata, even if it means modding, to serve to his distinguished guests after their long story. Vincent, accidentally stepping into the Hill and earning much disdain from the King's troops, steps out of the Hill and asks which map they are situated in.
The King, however, takes offense, believing that the two were refusing some of his horchata. The King was obsessed with his hill, believing that, if they did not wish for any horchata, than they were there to steal his hill away. John attempts to correct Vincent's mistake, though the King tells his tale on how he had kept the Hill for months and days with the Hill never moving, and that he had gotten so many points that even he had lost count. He then informed Vincent that not only were they not across the Ice Ravine, but they were on the other side of the Realm of Ban. Vincent, much to his chagrin, groaned, inadvertently insulting the King.
The King immediately cancelled the orders of horchata for his not-so-welcome guests, and demanded their leave, threatening them with death should they ever return. The two leave, commenting on his insanity, and work on finding a way out of the map, though the Hill, for the first time in years, moves.... right onto John and Vincent's location. As the King wails in dispair over his loss, the King's men move to apprehend the hill, shooting Vincent with another pink dart.
The episode opens to Travis, who appears to have taken a different path into a Last Resort-esque map. He draws a slight resemblance from the Last Resort base to a mechanical dungeon before he is alerted to a hostile presence. He draws his Energy Sword, not willing to play Shadow Games with his enemy, though a white presence flies past his sight. He gasps, exclaiming "Son of a Death Knight!"
Meanwhile, after getting out of the King's king of the hill map, the duo find themselves in a Valhalla-esque map, which turns out to be infested with trees. After complaining about their position (and how the Arbor Day Foundation would be proud of this map) Vincent points out a sound that John draws a similarity to someone being murdered, and the two investigate.
They find two Mark VI Spatans, one red and one purple, fighting each other behind crates serving as cover. John takes little interest, pointing out a squirrel he saw behind them. The two watch as the fight abruptly ends as the red Spartan panics, jumping over his cover and firing his gun aimlessly before being shot and killed with one burst from his Battle Rifle. The two approach the purple Spartan, catching his attention. The Purple Spartan, after a bit of obnoxious interruptions, identifes himself as Fredrick Finley.
Vincent asks which map they were in so they could locate their friend (Travis), though Fredrick asks for their map to help answer their question. John, irritated by his arrogant behavior, angrily responds that they wouldn't be asking for his help if they had a map. Fredrick, also angered by John's tone, asks if they had a problem, since he had a problem with John's face. The two engage in a small yet heated argument that Vincent breaks up. Politely, he asks where they were again, to which Fredrick responds that they were in one of the maps neighboring Veggiedom, a kingdom dedicated to vegetarians, nature, and foliage, which explains the trees populating the map. Fredrick explains that he was planning on going to Veggiedom in the next few minutes, and said that they could tag along if they wanted to.
Fredrick, however adopts his usual haughty demeanor and brags about his Steed, a Mongoose with several modifications that he said cost him a fortune. John, however, pointed out that it looked like a normal Mongoose. Fredrick scoffed at the Spartan, saying that he had no sense of style and couldn't recognize the prime of the Mongoose, but he added in a demeaning tone that it wasn't surprising at all since, judging from his color of armor, he wouldn't know any sense of style. John asks what he means, to which Fredrick points out their armor colors, blue and yellow, and asks if they were gay. He then points out that his Mongoose would have gone about 90 MPH in real life, to which he makes an unconvincing argument that only further irritates the duo until finally he ditches the two in his Mongoose, demanding for them to keep up.
However, Fredrick crashes into a wall and his Mongoose explodes, and he emerges from the explosion blinded.
The episode begins with John, or possibly all three of the main characters at once, thinking of their fate in the Realm of Ban. It is stated that they soon came to terms with their fate, yet still remember those who "punished" them. In the end, John/the Main Characters come to the conclusion that they would curse the phrase when their punishers were brought up:
"The Guardians, damn them."
It then goes to John, walking with a brown Elite referred to as "Carl" on the map Sandtrap. They start speaking of how it was once rock, then sand, and someday dust, then whatever comes after that. John brings up the question of if Carl knew of how "the sun was going to die." Carl replies by saying that he didn't know of that, and, for moral support, reminds John that he was "the King, and I'm brown." He continues, "Why would guys like us worry about a little thing like--"
However, he is cut off as John screams "NOOOOO!" in the middle of Valhalla. Vincent whirls around, asking him what was wrong. John had actually been daydreaming the scenario the whole time, whilst Fredrick Finley, their now-blind guide, led them to the place known as "Vegena". And so the three continued on their way to the area.
Meanwhile, a familiar traffic cone from a very familiar children's show was seen in some other place, telling someone to continue with their plans. He had to leave, for his "red guest has arrived." It then shows Travis, being attacked by two White Haven Troopers, who were soon called off by a familiar nasal voice. Travis looks up to see who it is.
It then cuts back to John, Vincent, and Fredrick Finley continued onwards until they reached a certain spot, where the third one mentioned put his hand on the ground, then suddenly told the others to be quiet, smelling asparagus. They then proceed to a large wall, when suddenly John states that he had enough, starting to yell at the other two. Fredrick stops him by confirming that they were there: at the gate to the other half of the Realm of Ban, as well as the pathway to Vegena, their destination. When asked on how it was to be opened, Fredrick told Vincent, "Magically, Vincent. Magically." He then began to sing a very loud high note across Valhalla, though he stops in the end as he starts coughing. Suddenly, lights appear across the wall, and an earthquake occurs and continues as the door opens. The three run inside, hoping to not be harmed by something.
They run inside, where they see two statues of the "Guardians of Vegena". Fredrick mentions that there was a third, but he was left out because "he was kind of a dick." They are then met by a gigantic eyeball, asking them of their identities. Fredrick states his own name, then begins to speak of the other two. However, a message appears stating that Machinima.com removed what was to be a homosexual slur referencing John and Vincent, most likely to be "f*ggot". It goes on stating that it was replaced with "something more tasteful". It returns to Fredrick stating his name, and he goes on and speaks of the other two, the reference being replaced with a different voice saying "c*nts". John asks what the eye is, and Fredrick calls him "the Gatekeeper". He then tells the Gatekeeper of their destination (Vegena) and that he'd been there before. When asked about using the frequent flyer program, Fredrick refuses, and is offered it again. After refusing several times, the Gatekeeper wishes them a safe trip, then explodes into nothing. A portal opens on the other side of the room, where the group leap into it.
They enter a new map. John asks, "Where are we?" Fredrick replies, "Vegena." However, a man in a turret in the ground counters, "This isn't Vegena; it's a TOMB!" They just stare at him, then keep going.
It then goes back to Travis, who is now being held prisoner by the Bulldozer. He reveals that he was planning this all along, and that he was now working with White Haven, along with it's leader, "General Cobbs", the traffic cone from the series "The Candy Coated Wonder Road". He gets angry at the thought of how it weren't for Gunther, he would've found Travis sooner. Cobbs points out that Travis actually just got there, and Travis agrees, causing Bulldozer to silence them. Cobbs replies, "Well, f*ck you!"
Travis asks if this was because of the Guardians banning him. However, the Bulldozer laughs and explains that getting banned has given him the power to travel wherever he wishes, though it is only so due to his modding abilities. And with the fact that he has his mods, he has become incredibly powerful in Halo 3. However, he soon reveals that he captured Travis for a reason....
You see, back in the times when Travis still played World of Warcraft, Bulldozer played as well. It cuts to a scene where the Bulldozer was fighting against many foes, when he is joined by an unnamed ally. The Bulldozer, his friend, and their army soon approach the gate of a palace, which opens to reveal Travis in his original WoW form. He then proceeds to kill the Bulldozers friend, and the nasal-voiced gamer swears revenge.
It cuts back to the present, where he explains that because of what Travis did, they lost. And then when Travis lost the ability to pay for membership in WoW, Bulldozer thought that he had just "disappeared!" So he bought "this crappy game" to hunt down Travis, only to find that there was no "magic." However, he soon discovered mods, and began getting them together to be able to kill Travis. He then states that he will "have his [Bulldozer's] revenge first," then has Cobbs speak to his agent, who is revealed to be Fredrick Finley when he says his own name.
John asks why he said his name for no reason, and Fredrick replies that he didn't. He then takes out a pistol—ignoring the fact that he had a rifle already—and shoots both of them. The shooting is not seen, but can be heard on Cobbs' phone.
Travis cries out in despair, having lost his best (and only) friends. Bulldozer then takes out his own pistol, ready to kill Travis. Travis exclaims, "I damn you to the Underworld, you bitch!" before being shot and killed by the Bulldozer. The latter then begins laughing maniacally.
Suddenly, it cuts to John, screaming "NOOOOOOO!", though this time in Sandtrap. Vincent asks what's wrong, and John, confused, asks what's going on. Vincent explains that he was hit in the head by a flare, being knocked out "for, like, three hours," revealing that John was simply dreaming everything since the end of episode 2. The HLWIF guy then says, "That would be my fault man, I am sooooooo sorry about that, it slipped right out of my hand." John then proceeds to ask about the Guardians, the Bulldozer, and Travis. Vincent replies, "What? Who's Travis?" John says that he'd had the strangest dream, and that Vincent was there, that the HLWIF guy was there, and that the "Are you serious?" guy was there, causing the Elite to ask, "Are you serious?" Vincent then says that he is about to state something that might be very alarming to John. The latter guesses that it is the fact that he might still be dreaming. Vincent says no, but that Halo 3 was so outdated at that point that the only people who joined in the first place were to make fun of people who still played it. In the distance, a man calls out, "F*ggots! And by that, I mean your car!"
It then cuts to a boy and his grandpa, where the boy interrupts his grandpa, pointing out that John and Vincent had just bought the game when it came out, so it couldn't have been outdated at that point. Grandpa asks if he'll let him finish to story or not, causing the boy to exclaim that "You're gay, and the story's gay! I wish mom and dad had never died and left me with you! I hate you!" then leaves to go play kinect. The grandfather shouts that he hates his grandson as well.
Yet again, it cuts to the host of the Candy Covered Wonder Road, ending the story with the moral: "Never make a show then take a year hiatus, then make some other shows that nobody appreciates, then return to the old show 'cause you got a million emails asking about it, but then it turns out to be really boring and tedious, so you just throw in a bunch of movie cliches in the end, and hope that nobody will notice how crappy it really is." He then says goodbye, and the screen begins backing away. However, it suddenly flickers, and the tape begins to reel out of control, showing some footage of the host still, then goes to black, then quickly shows an image of the sillouhettes of Noble Team, implying that there might be some future projects with Halo: Reach. The music stops, then slowly a different track starts playing. The messages of thanks to the fans and Bungie appear. It then says, "Farewell." The message then changes to "well....sorta."
It then shows a scene highly similar to the intro to Episode 16. However, when the voice calling out "Destiny" is supposed to occur, instead a Spartan pops out and cries, "DESTINY!" However, the Spartan who entered explains at the request of the Destiny Spartan that the series has ended. The latter complains about how he was to have a major role, then asks how the Turret was taking it, and the former states that, "Uh, he's not taking it well, he's, uh, he's a real mess right now." The Destiny Spartan complains slightly more, ending with, "Ugh. F*ck."
Suddenly, it cuts to John, again in Valhalla, screaming "NOOOOOOOOOOO!" implying that all of what just happened was a daydream, and that everything that occurred is still going on. The screen then cuts to the title.
Season 3 (Reached)Edit
Episode 21: In the Beginning... AgainEdit
John and Travis make a jump from Halo 3 to Halo Reach.
Episode 22: The MeractivistEdit
A boy named David goes for a swim and finds a sick mermaid. The mermaid insists on the boy raising money to fund economical awareness. He does, but spends the money on a car, and the mermaid dies. (Note: This episode does not include any of the main characters. It is the first to not include any as well.)
Episode 23: The Boy of DestinyEdit
John enters a portal and goes into a strange, mixed-up world where people are Elites instead of Spartans, and they even feature Elite-versions of John and Vincent. The real John kills his Elite counterpart, thinking he's the dark lord, but a Spartan version of Travis appears and the Elites say he is the dark lord.
John was a new player to Halo 3 as noted in Episode 1, where he said to Vincent that he just got the game. In the first episodes of the series, John was noted to be new to some of the features of Halo 3; primarily the ability to jump higher, but later on in the series was developed to be more sensible and aware of the game's limitations and strategies than both Vincent and Travis. He is easily distinguished by his blue armor and Mark V helmet. John's gamertag is Reticent Auger.
John's best friend, Vincent is introduced as John's friend and a more experienced player than John, noted for having a creative mind to some extent (such as the two cubic tons of sand and the turret machine gun), although most of his ideas were told to be stupid. Vincent is also characterized by his viewpoint of Halo to be somewhat like Travis's, as he believes that Bulldozer was lying unconscious when he really just respawned a few seconds after being knocked unconscious by John in Monitor form. He is seen as a yellow Spartan with a CQB helmet. His gamertag is Defluo Deus.
The most peculiar and skilled of the players, Travis is an ex-World of Warcraft (WoW) fan, ending his addiction to the game when he became so obsessed with the game he quit his job and could no longer afford the subscription fee. Travis is lethal due to his ability with the Energy Sword and by abusing his ping due to his Dial-up connection, proving to be a deadly opponent. He is also noted for his speech, which referenced WoW in almost every possibility. He is the only main Elite character, a red model with normal Combat harness.
Travis was voiced by himself until the end of season 1 (Episode 16) and being replaced with Brian after leaving Darkspire Films.
The Guardians (Sword Guardian, Sniper Guardian, Rod Guardian, and Pistol Guardian in order of introduction) are the overseers of the gaming world. Like the deaths that are labeled as by the guardians in a normal Halo 2 or 3 game, the Guardians are swift and decisive in their punishments, rarely merciful and never willing to accept a pleaded case. Sometimes they give a warning, as stated in the dispute between them and the players accused of copyright infringement, but most of the time they use the Banhammer first and ask questions later. The Sword Guardian is the apparent leader of the Guardians. All of the guardians are shown as white Spartans in standard Mark VI. A common gag for the Gaurdians is the term "ban", playing on the fact that their main job is Banning. Examples include the Banhammer, the Realm of Ban Barrier, Realm of Ban Walkway,the name of their realm is Banadu, and they have a large Banner showing the entrance to the Realm of Ban (With the words "Banning since 1890" upon it)
The Bulldozer is a Spartan who Travis and John originally met in a game of matchmaking. When Travis failed to acquire a sniper rifle due to his summoning to the realm of ban, the Bulldozer offered to look, and was sniped in the face. However, he appears where he was before he looked, confusing John. The matter was forgotten when a player set John on fire. In Episode 14, the Guardians declare the bulldozer a modder and force Travis to go after him. Travis, John and Vincent defeat him in a game of Forge and bring him to the realm of the Guardians, but the Bulldozer escapes (declaring "So long, you fucking retards.") and John, Travis and Vincent are hit by the banhammer.
Brian is a member of DSF like Jon and Vince. Although he never appears in the series, Jon mentions his GT in episode 17 ("Man that's LegitSauce") Brian's GT is LegitSauce25.
Look What I've Found SpartanEdit
A rather childish Spartan in Episodes 2 and 12 who shows John items he had found in Sandtrap and Last Resort, though causes harm to John in the process.
A resident of Black Haven that told Vincent of the Bambis and escorted him to the Processing Ward where he reunited with John and Travis. He was struck down by White Haven soldiers after informing the residents resting in the Processing Ward of the imminent threat.
The Coordinator of the Processing Ward, which orderly informed the residents currently in the Procesing Ward of their status, where they were currently situated, and where they could find new maps in the front kiosk. Even as he begged for mercy, the White Haven soldiers disposed of him without hesitation.
White Haven SoldiersEdit
Soldiers of White Havens, specializing in the Energy Sword and deep racists. They proved superior to most of the Black Haven garrison, quickly killing most of its denizens while suffering minimal casualties.
The obsessive king, who also seems to be a modder and had gathered up an army of Mexican players.
One of The King's subordinates, who assisted one of the King's captains in capturing John and Vincent when they were accused of stealing from the King.
One of The King's subordinates, and a dedicated modder. He apparently has the ability to create horchata.
The "Look what I found" SpartanEdit
Noted for his appearances in Episode 2 and 12, where he attempted to show off the items that he had found in-game (Flare and Incineration Grenade, respectively), but ends up harming John in the process. His appearances appeared at the end of each episode, and only lasted about a second or so.
In a recent commentary, it is stated by John that this player had joined by accident (in at least the second appearance), and the attack was a part of real gameplay online.
A common gag for the Guardians is the term "ban" e.g. the BANhammer, the realm of BANbarrier, BANwalkway, their main job is BANning, the name of their realm is BANadu, and they have a large BANner showing the entrance to the realm of BAN. (BANning since 1890)
Travis's WoW voiceEdit
Travis's voice has been a running joke since his fist appearence. However, since he left DSF and he no longer voices himself, the running gag ended at episode 16.
Many episodes reference utilities available in Halo, such as the elephant and the amount of sand on sandtrap.